I have so much Mama Guilt I don't even know where to start. First and foremost, I fed my kids Macaroni and Cheese for both lunch and dinner yesterday. In my defense, the dinner portion was not planned this way. The healthy dinner I had planned turned out to be an inedible mess and the only option I had for them was leftovers from lunch. Jackson, for some reason, did not mind one bit!
The second guilt I have been feeling lately is that I am too hard on myself and I am too hard on the kids. I am in a constant state of disapproval over myself. I feel as if there is some cosmic judges panel (much like the American Idol panel) that is constantly evaluating me as a person. I often tell my husband that I feel like I am letting someone down, but I don't know who that person is. I don't think it is God, because I am pretty sure that He doesn't care that I watched The Biggest Loser instead of mopping the floor during Wrigley's nap. I don't know why I even bother watching it since the whole time I am thinking I should be doing one of the many things on my to-do list. That is just the tip of the iceburg of the things I beat myself up about. I am afraid that my kids perceive that I am in constant disapproval of them also. I hope not, but that fear is always there. I lecture a lot and am constantly correcting behavior. I want them to be the best that they can be, but do they know that it doesn't matter if they aren't? Do I express my unconditional love enough?
We learned in church today about God's grace and how He gives it freely-we don't have to earn it or be perfect versions of ourselves to receive it. I know this really isn't news, but hearing it yesterday made me feel relieved. I felt so liberated in the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect to receive His grace. I don't need to apologize for my inadequacies all the time.
My goal is for my kids to grow up knowing that they receive my grace without any strings. I told them (probably too many times) yesterday that good or bad behavior- it doesn't matter. I love them no matter what! Hopefully my actions will match my words more often and that will keep their future selves out of the therapy chair saying "Nothing was ever good enough". I do that a lot when I am an imperfect mother-envision what they will say to their future therapist. That is healthy, right?
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Great post! What a good reminder of God's grace for us. I forget all the time what a loving, forgiving God He is!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your little guy ate the leftovers. Sometimes that goes over better than what I spent time making!
Thanks for linking up! Your post is a perfect example of why I do "Mama Guilt Mondays." Thanks for sharing :-)
Thank you! I am so glad that I found your blog and am able to link up with some incredible moms who are going through similar things.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. You sound like an incredible Mommy!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, beautiful mommy and a beautiful person!
ReplyDeleteYou have all of the same fears I think we all have. I beat myself up all of the time. We are our own worse critics. It is a fine line to walk with the kids. You want them to be their best, but try not to push too much. You want them to know that you will love them no matter what, but disappointment can be a huge deterrent for children to misbehave.
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for everyone, but I am right here with you. I think as long as we stay in prayer and ask for God to guide us, He will show us when we are slipping up a little. :-)
I am very proud of you .. your blog shows me that you are doing the same things to/for your kids that we did to/for you. When your Mom & I were growing up, it was the Dr. Spock age, and I've always been thankful that your grandparents had enough comfort with their basic values that they didn't feel the need to read his books. When you were growing up, I was comfortable that your Mom & my values would be an adequate guide. Roy Disney once said, "It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." You prove that every day.
ReplyDeleteLove .. Dad.
P.S. Even if I weren't your Dad, I would love your blog.